A Personal Journey of Growth and Support
"If You Want to Go Fast, Go Alone; But If You Want to Go Far, Go Together"
"If You Want to Go Fast, Go Alone; But If You Want to Go Far, Go Together" —A Personal Journey of Growth and Support
I’ll never forget the first time I stumbled upon the African proverb, "If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together." It seemed wise, sure, but it wasn’t until Rylan, my special needs son, became a teenager and began to regress that the true weight of those words hit me like a ton of bricks.
My family found ourselves in a place of deep isolation, struggling under the daily demands of increased behavioral challenges. The strain wasn’t just on us as a couple; it rippled through to Rylan’s younger siblings as well. Despite my wife, Victoria, constantly stepping in to de-escalate situations, we knew we couldn’t keep going like this. Burnout wasn’t just on the horizon—it was inevitable.
Victoria carried so much of the burden herself, holding our family together while I was often away, working multiple jobs to keep the lights on and food on the table. Those six months were some of the hardest of our lives. I watched as my wife slowly deteriorated, becoming more and more isolated, crying every day. As her husband, I felt powerless, and as a father, I was at a loss for how to support our children. We were stuck, struggling, and it felt like there was no way out.
Our turning point came when we found the right support workers. For the first time in what felt like forever, there was a glimmer of hope at the end of a long, dark tunnel. It’s been four years now, and Rylan has an incredible support network surrounding him—not just one or two people, but a whole tribe of amazing individuals. We’ve been blessed with Level 3 support coordinators, occupational therapists, behaviour support specialists, and the unwavering backing of four support companies. This tribe is what we rely on every day to ensure Rylan’s safety, growth, and independence. They’ve been our lifeline.
Looking back, I realise that in those early days, we were moving fast—but we weren’t going far. We didn’t have the knowledge, the resources, or the support that Rylan needed to truly thrive. But today, Rylan has made incredible strides, and our family has found the stability and peace I once thought impossible. And it’s all because of the remarkable people who have stood by him and by us, every step of the way.
As a father of a high-needs child, raising a young family, and building a small disability support business, I’ve had the privilege of gaining a unique perspective. I’ve seen patterns, lessons that I want to share with others walking a similar path. If you have young children under 18, I hope my experiences resonate with you—not just as a parent, but as a fellow human being navigating this complex world of caregiving.
One of the most profound experiences I’ve had is watching mothers, often on the brink of exhaustion, come to me in tears, emotionally drained, and desperate for answers. And I’ve realized that their questions are the first step on their path to finding balance in their lives. As they begin to ask, the fog starts to lift, and they soon see, as I did, that it truly takes a tribe to go far.
I recently spoke with a mother who had finally found some relief after increasing support for her son. She was grateful, but she also shared a sentiment I’ve heard so often from parents, including my own wife—the crushing guilt. With more time to themselves, parents often feel a stronger connection with their special needs child, able to be more present, more attentive, and more focused when they are together. But along with that relief comes guilt, as they worry that they’re not doing enough, or that it’s their sole responsibility to provide constant care for their child.
It's important to recognise that this guilt is a natural part of caring deeply for your child. It reflects the love and dedication you have for their well-being. However, it's crucial to understand that sharing the responsibility of care is not a sign of failure. It's a necessary step toward creating a sustainable, balanced life that supports not only your child but your entire family.
Through our journey, we’ve come to see that going far is not about reaching a destination. It’s about the collective strength we gain through an incredible network of people—our tribe. It’s about the resilience we build together, one day at a time, one step at a time. Together, we have travelled far, and it’s the realization that we are not alone, but part of a community, that will guide us the rest of the way.